INSIDERS AND OUTSIDERS

by
John Veltri with the help
of Jean Mitchell and Clifford Hurt
and the many people who have used the following material.

    In most human groupings, there are "in-groups" and "out-groups". From the world of a children's playground to the complex structures of a corporation, from the realities of a large family to those of religious institutions, some people are "in" and some people are "out".

    In the not too distant past in North America, black people were not allowed to use the same lavatories as white people. Elsewhere lepers were exiled. Presently, in Jamaica, people with whiter skin are more "in" than people with darker skin. In western society in some instances, women are only now being admitted to some male in-groups. Homosexual persons are still  treated as "out" and dismissed as "queer" while suffering violence which, in turn, is often trivialized by local police as a misdemeanour. Aboriginal peoples have been so removed from the centre of power that they have lost almost completely their sense of identity and only now are beginning to reclaim an almost forgotten past. Each established group of immigrants continues to marginalize new groups of immigrants.

    During counselling sessions, issues of lack of belonging and of being excluded often surface. People frequently deal with these complex issues only on a psychological level. Unfortunately, persons suffering from such alienation, as well as their counsellors or spiritual guides, automatically use only the language or discourse of psychology to understand these experiences of exclusion and alienation. As a consequence of using only psychological paradigms to handle suffering due to exclusion, victims often end up believing that they[i] alone have been, and continue to be, responsible for their predicament. If they happen to bring the faith dimension into it, often it is only to seek God’s help in coping with what they perceive to be primarily their own personal psychological issue.

    In many instances, however, it is the system, with its underlying structures, that influences both their own situation and their personal anguish. I believe that some basic social analysis of the influencing structures may help them to understand present experiences which can then be brought to the faith context. "The truth will set you free."

    As an example of this, let us look at the scenario of an organist and choir director in a large, church-related, private school. Let us call him Jim. He is filled with anger and frustration over an experience of being verbally put down, dismissed, and trivialized by the principal. In this scenario, he has just told his spiritual guide of this event. They spend the major part of this session on it.

    Over the past two years, his spiritual guide has become very familiar with Jim's background. Jim was an adopted child who was moved from one foster home to another. In their previous sessions together, the spiritual guide helped Jim to come to terms with his past, express his feelings, and develop strategies for dealing with his exaggerated need to seek approval along with his overly enthusiastic approach to belong. Thus in exploring the present experience with Jim in the light of that knowledge, he helps Jim to come to some deeper appreciation of this experience in terms of Jim's personal psychological history.

    In addition to this help, however, the counsellor or spiritual guide can be of even greater assistance by encouraging Jim to analyze the value structures of the educational institution where Jim is employed. By helping Jim reflect upon the school’s attitudes towards music and art, they might make some important discoveries. Despite the school's professed theoretical support for Jim's work, there is, in practice, no support. Jim might begin to acknowledge that his job has very little value in the system in which he works and lives. He was, indeed, put down and devalued. His perceptions were quite accurate. They were not merely projections from his past. Rather they are a reaction to a present social structure in which Jim finds himself!

    Through the heightened awareness of the social and consequent mental structures involved in his situation, little by little Jim can be led through prayer and faith to accept the truth, to affirm his own personal experience, to validate his own anger, and to deal with it in a healthy, Christian way. Not to acknowledge these structures is to ingest a lie, and, as a result, Jim will continue to feel put down even more.

    Often counsellors hear a variety of similar stories. For example:

    What follows are some steps that you can use to become aware of the internalized effects of one's position on the fringe. It is a process that uses the model of the inner circle in a larger circle – an "in/out" grid. It is a simple form of social analysis [ii] that can be used by individuals to understand their own lived experience of marginalization and to be empowered to deal with it. It is a process that will help one to
recognize,  be angry at,  come to terms with,  accept,
become more free
.with respect to such influences in one's life. All or some of the following suggestions could be used in this process.

PHASE I - Ponder An Overview Of The Work Ahead

    The following material, from the book, Woman Prayer, Woman Song, by Miriam Therese Winter, expresses well an overview of the process involved on this journey towards greater interior freedom. Spend time with it, pray with it, ponder it with your whole heart, and beg for the graces and gifts that only the Caring God can give through the work of the Spirit. Notice how, in the last ten lines, the parallel is made between the experience of being marginalized and the experience of being oppressed:

The circle of love
is repeatedly broken
because of the sin
of exclusion.

We create separate circles:
the inner circle
and the outer circle,
the circle of power
and the circle of despair,
the circle of privilege
and the circle of deprivation.

We carefully define our circles,
at work
or at worship,
with family
and with friends,
peripheral
or very special,
and function
not always willingly,
within their parameters.


Some circles nourish,
other circles destroy.

The circle of fifths
is the cornerstone
of much of the world's music.

The cycle of poverty
excludes whole populations
from the necessities of life. ...

The circle of love
is broken,
whenever there is alienation,
whenever there is misunderstanding,
whenever there is insensitivity
and a hardening of the heart.

The circle of love
is broken,
whenever we cannot see eye to eye,
whenever we cannot link hand to hand,
whenever we cannot live heart to heart
and affirm our differences. ...

* * * * * *
We ask forgiveness
of one another,
as children of God,
as friend to friend.

Too many times
have we failed to stand
together
in solidarity.

Too many times
have we judged one another,
condemning those things
we did not understand.

We ask forgiveness
for assuming we know
all there is to know
about each other,
for presuming to speak
for each other,
for defining,
confining,
claiming,
naming,
limiting,
labelling,
conditioning,
interpreting,
and consequently oppressing
each other.

We ask forgiveness
for making rules
based on private revelation,
for publicly condemning anyone
who fails to abide by them,
for imposing heavy penalties,
for excluding,
withholding,
insisting,
resisting
the inclusiveness of grace.[iii]

PHASE II - Become Aware Of Your Experiences
Of Exclusion

1.  Recall and note the various institutions or groups in which you have been a participant or member. Make a list of these groupings.

2.  From this list, choose one example where you felt that you were part of the in-group:

What was it like?   How did you look upon those who were in the out-group?   What did you have to do to stay in the in-group?   What unwritten rules did you keep in order to remain in that in-group?

3.  Choose one example where you felt that you were part of the out-group:

What was it like? Feelings? In what ways you were affected? How did others keep you in the out-group?

4.  Make a graph:
a)     On a separate sheet of paper, draw a graph and plot your own felt-history in one grouping or institution of your choice with regard to your experiences of feeling both included and excluded over a number of years.

b)     As you look over your graph, choose one or two moments of inclusion and one or two moments of exclusion.

  1. What was going during these moments?
  2. Where did the moments take place?
  3. How were you affected then?
  4. What hidden structures might have been at work at these times?
  5. How does all this affect you now?
c)     Recall five different events of inclusion or exclusion that you experienced in the more recent years of the history that you just graphed. To help you do this, you could take piece of paper and draw five circles with a smaller circle at the centre. The outer circle represents the out-group while the inner circle represents the in-group. Draw an "X" to indicate the place you experienced yourself in relationship to the in-group. Place a caption under each of these diagrams to indicate where and when the event took place.

d)     Ponder the diagrams you have drawn and draw some implications.

PHASE III:
Use The Wisdom And Insight From The Essay Below
To Help Reflect Upon Similar Experiences

THE INNER CIRCLE

            My friend Sheila was appointed assistant to a department head who was supposed to be included on all committees in that branch of government. Shortly after she began work, she was invited by another department head for a "drink" outside the office. The "drink" turned out to be an important committee meeting without her boss! At that moment Sheila discovered that she had been invited to join an inner circle of those "who got things done around here."

           Sheila discovered, as most of us do sooner or later, that there are two different systems at work in every human community and organization. These two systems exist whether the grouping is a choral group or a religious community or a national parliament or society at large. One of these systems is publicly articulated, sometimes in writing with precise detail. The other system, the inner circle, is never officially declared. It never formally appoints you. One day you are just asked to come along and then you discover that you are "in" and other people are "out". The mark of being "in" is a particular form of conversation which the inner circle uses: "we" as opposed to "they", spoken with hushed tones in private.
           Membership in the inner circle is very fluid. Members frequently change. People think they are included when, in fact, they have been pushed "out". This gives much amusement to those who are really "in". Further, if you want to get "in", you probably don't call it anything lest other people might hear of it and want to get "in", too.
            These inner circles are part of every college, every society, every place of work. Sometimes there are circles within circles; one can penetrate one and find that there are several beyond it. Sometimes they seem to merge with other circles whose aims might be considered to be opposite: some administrators with workers in a plant; the curate with some laity in the parish; and so on.
            In everyone's life at certain times, and in some people's lives at all times, one of the most dominating concerns is to get into the inner circle of wherever one is. This is particularly true for people who feel that the only way they can be accepted and loved is by belonging to the in-group and mimicking the in-group's ideologies and illusions. Thus, one desires to matter to those who really count.
            Most of us desire to be one of the people in the know, on the inside. We may disguise this desire by calling it work or obligation. We may pretend that it is distasteful to work so hard. We may claim how boring committee work is! Yet how horrified we'd be if we were dropped from some inner circle because we didn't count any more!
            Inner circles are unavoidable. There will always be confidential discussions behind the scenes. No organization works quite by the books. There are people in high positions who are useless and people in lower positions who are more important than their titles and seniority would lead one to expect. These unwritten systems are bound to evolve and are not, by themselves, wrong. [iv]
  At this point, it would be helpful to check the assertions of this essay in the light of your own personal experiences and consequent observations of Phases I and II. There is no sense in continuing if you do not experience in-groups and out-groups among the various networks of persons to which you belong. Once you can acknowledge the truth of the above statements from your own experience, move to the next phase.

PHASE IV: Engage In Some Social Analysis

    Why do the poor in North America vote for private enterprise? Why do some women put down other women? Why do Native Americans have trouble with self-esteem? Why do mainline white religious congregations have so few black members? Why do single parents on welfare distrust other single parents on welfare? Why do gay men and lesbians have to deal with so much self-hate? Why do religious brothers in religious congregations where there are also priests, often feel like second-class citizens? Why do artists in male religious congregations have so much trouble with having their ministry appreciated? Why do handicapped persons have the same difficulties in accepting other handicapped persons as the non-handicapped do?

    Why, why, why........?

    Though there is not one answer for all these questions, the use of the "in/out" grid and the concept of oppression may help you lay a foundation for answering most of these questions. Often marginalized persons who are hurting, frustrated and angry find this approach helpful in growing towards greater freedom. You, also, might find it helpful.

    Often when you feel excluded, you feel that you must have been doing something wrong; and often when you seek help you want to be fixed up in some way. Thus it can easily happen that both your spiritual guide and you conspire in the belief that your feeling of being excluded or put down is due to some psychological inadequacy on your part. Rather than this the-fault-is-mine approach, here you are being offered ways to help reflect on your experiences more objectively to empower you to deal your issues of exclusion.

    You may have difficulties in believing that this process fits you. And, yes, perhaps it does not fit you at all! On the other hand, many people who consciously do not feel "oppressed" or "marginalized" initially resist accepting this approach, as you may be doing right now. Let it be said at this point you don't have to feel marginalized to be marginalized. You don't have to feel oppressed to be oppressed. In many instances, marginalized persons have no awareness of their marginalization or oppression. Consider how long the feminist movement has been working to raise our consciousness of the inequalities between men and women!

    On the other hand, people in the in-groups do not like this kind of analysis because it tends to demonstrate that most frequently inner-circle people are oppressors even when they do not know it. It is not comfortable for those of us who are in inner circles to think of ourselves as exercising that kind of power. It is a privileged position that, however subtle, is always founded on some form of domination. This is so in most forms of human endeavour, but many who are in the dominant positions often have a difficult time admitting this.

    A friend of mine used this kind of thinking at a conference for the hearing impaired as a way for helping the hearing impaired deal with their issues of marginalization in society, in the school systems, and on many different levels. The results were predictable: most of the in-group people, the teachers and administrators, of the various institutions for the hearing impaired, reacted against the presentations and denied their validity. Some of the hearing impaired resisted hearing about this while most of the hearing impaired really appreciated the relevance of its application to themselves. Why would the in-group in this instance predictably react to the relevance of this theory? Simply because they were the ones who defined reality for the hearing impaired. Ultimately their roles and their secure helping jobs might be threatened.

    The process thus far has attempted to bring you to the point of accepting the phenomena about in-groups and out-groups. So far it has encouraged you to reflect on your own experiences of this and to understand this as part of what it means to be human.

At this point consider, with even greater focus, your own historical and present experiences of marginalization and their effects on your life. To begin this you might be helped by reflecting upon the following two questions:
1.     From your "in/out" history above, choose one example where you felt that you were part of the out-group and oppressed:
What was it like? Feelings? Ways you were affected? ...
 
2.     Choose some examples where you felt part of the out-group but not oppressed:
  • What was it like?
  • Did the in-group do anything overtly or covertly to keep you in the out-group? Did they limit you in any way? Did they measure you according to some criteria, some rules written or unwritten?
  • Did you ever feel patronized or put down by them?
  • Is it possible to be "out" but not oppressed?
  • Do those people of those in-groups assume they know most of
all there is to know
about you? ...
Do they presume to speak for you,
and hence are they
defining,
confining,
claiming,
naming,
limiting,
labelling,
conditioning,
interpreting,
and
consequently oppressing
you? [iii]
 

What Are The Effects Of Being Marginalized?

    There are many hidden effects on persons who are marginalized and who are oppressed. These can be verified by reflecting carefully on your own personal experiences or consulting basic sociology or social-psychology texts. Here are several typical effects that may help you understand your own experiences of the effects of marginalization:

1. Marginalized persons adopt the ideology of the in-group. For example:
  • Poor people believe the same ideology as the rich people. Why do poor people vote for private enterprise systems? Is it because they do not believe they are going to be poor all their life? I suggest that they believe the same ideology as the moneyed people and that ultimately the economic system will work for everyone's benefit if only the raw economic forces are allowed their natural process!
  • In the movie Colour Purple, Sealey advises her stepson to beat his wife as a way of keeping his wife in line, just as Sealey herself was beaten. It was the system of the day.
  • The typical bar scene of the gay or lesbian subculture is a mirror image of the ordinary singles' bar in the heterosexual subculture.
2. Marginalized persons judge themselves by the ideology of the in-group:
  • In my own past experience, I have noticed how children in a residential school couldn't help but ingest the ideology of the in-group. The cowboy and Indian movies they watched in the 1950s (what other movies were there at the time?) inevitably got them cheering for the cowboys against the Indians.
  • I have also noted that women (like their male counterparts in our patriarchal society) often put down other women with respect to fashion and dress but seldom use the same standards when men do not dress properly. A female minister told me how the women in her congregation would always comment if she always wore the same clerical attire while they said nothing about her co-pastor husband exercising that privilege all the time.
3. Marginalized persons judge their brothers and sisters on the margin by the same ideology that in-group persons judge them:
  • In my own experience in a religious order, I have heard marginalized persons criticize their fellow marginalized confreres using the same ideology as members from the in-group with even greater vehemence. When in the midst of the conversation I would attempt to direct their attention to the possibility of establishing worthwhile friendships with member on the margin, I would often be met with resistance.
  • As a handicapped person, I have often noted my own personal resistance to accepting, and entering into relationship with, other handicapped persons.
  • Often when two persons come from the same poverty-stricken village but who now have different classes of jobs, one of which is considered more of an in-group job in the new country, I have noted how that one looks down on and snubs the other.
  • Often gay men and lesbians gossip about each other and put down others from their community who don't quite measure up. In this context, the use of put-down humour with its angry edges can be devastating. The 1971 movie, Boys In The Band, records well such devastating effects of marginalization.
4. Marginalized persons spend unwarranted energy trying to be accepted by the members of the in-group or trying to belong to the in-group:
  • In an article that appeared in the "National Jesuit News" in 1986, Bishop Jim Lake was quoted as saying that "only by a supernatural strength can the black person come to any sort of unified vision” in the Roman Catholic Church as a black person cannot help but experience oneself as two persons, one being black and the other being American Catholic, with two souls and two thoughts.
  • I have also noted how in some groupings marginalized members spend large amounts of energy being concerned and gossiping about the workings of those in the in-group. At large conferences, some marginalized will feel quite happy if some in-group person has spent some minimal time with them. Meanwhile in the same conference, you easily can note the questionable "quality time" in-group people actually do spend with out-group people. It is fascinating to watch who is patronizing whom and how being patronized can be interpreted by an out-group person as care.
5. Inner circle persons spend unwarranted energy trying to be keep others out.

PHASE V: Apply The Social Analysis To Yourself

    Sufficient for our purposes here are the characteristics I described above. Most of these are examples of things I have found verified through reflection on my own experience and some observations about the experience of others. But now it is time to reflect more deeply on your own perceptions and experiences.

1.     Taking one or two major institutions to which you belong, make a list of names of those you would characterize as being part of the out-group and those you would characterize as being part of the in-group. From the list of names you have jotted down, do you perceive any of the characteristics referred to above? ... Are you sure? ... What are they? ... Are you sure? ... Are there any other characteristics?

2.     Now pay attention to, and reflect upon, those social situations and groups where you are in the out-group. From this, do you perceive in yourself any of these effects or characteristics referred to above? ... If so, what are they? ... If not, then perhaps you have always been part of the in-group and have never noticed. ... Consider the following statement:

In everyone's life at certain times, and in some people's lives at all times, one of the most dominating concerns is to get into the inner circle of wherever one is. This is particularly true for people who feel that the only way they can be accepted and loved is by belonging to the in- group and mimicking the in-group's ideologies and illusions. Thus, one desires to matter to those who really count.[iv]

PHASE VI: Get Angry, Express Anger,
Be At Home With Anger.

    So now ... perhaps we can move on. ... Are you still engaged in the process? ... If you are, you will soon recognize through these phases that we are moving from the awareness of one's position at the margin toward's embracing it! In the following phases, one prays for the gift of being able to embrace one's position on the margin. The suggestions that we can use to dispose ourselves for the desire for this grace are placed here again in a series of phases, but you may need to go through these in a different order, or you may need to skip some. Other readings may be helpful. You might need to write, or use art, or write a song. What we are basically seeking is not something we can give to ourselves. There is no right formula to bring about that shift in our hearts whereby we can accept being marginalized, and find peace, energy, creativity and health in it. It is grace. So here are some helps and some processes. Pick what will seem helpful, but wait for the change to take place primarily with the action of God.

 
    When one first dares to look at, and then recognizes, the truth of the experience of feeling marginalized, one begins to get angry. There are all sorts of reasons for marginalized persons to be angry. Anger is a normal reaction to being discounted, disrespected, or left out, or
... patronized ... sinned against ... defined ... teased ... lied to ... for wasting all sorts of time worrying about being accepted by those in the in-group ... for being told that one's gifts are not really gifts ... for being told your perceptions were wrong when secretly people knew you were right ... for receiving indications that people "of your kind" are deficient or not normal ... for being "mistrained" to be responsible for everyone else.
    In time you may even experience anger at yourself for ingesting the values of the inner circle and at your unwitting complicity in keeping others on the margin.
 
    There are many techniques to express and deal with anger. I shall not re-create the wheel. I shall simply list a few that are used and leave the rest of this phase to your own creativity in conjunction with your counsellor or guide. These techniques can be incorporated into a pattern that you can use over and over again until you have expressed sufficient anger for now.

A. Express Your Anger

    It is always important to get in touch with it and feel it. Then it is important to express it externally in some appropriate way. The attempt to express it externally will often surface the angry stuff that one has been keeping hidden from oneself. Here are some of the usual ways:
B. Bring This Expression To God
    Again there are a variety of ways to do this: simply express your feelings to God ... or write a letter to God ... or imagine Jesus by your side and express your feelings to him .... or walk with Jesus into some of the memories of being marginalized and dialogue with Jesus about what surfaces ... or choose some angry/crying-out psalms and ponder these.
 
C. Ask For The Gift
    What is the particular grace you need at this point? Perhaps it is to recognize how you may have ingested the values of the inner circle ... or to be courageous enough to deal with those feelings you may have denied.
    After some time when you have been in touch with your deeper feelings of frustration, fear, anger or whatever you felt, you will have a sense of "I have been expressing my interior feelings enough for now. I sense more peace and I think I can move on. I may need to come back to this phase later."


PHASE VII: De-Mythologize
The Illusions Of The Inner Circle

    First of all, it is important to remember that "inner circles are unavoidable. There will always be confidential discussions behind the scenes. No organization works quite by the books. There are people in high positions who are useless and people in lower positions who are more important than their titles and seniority would lead one to expect. These unwritten systems are bound to evolve and are not, by themselves, wrong or evil.”[iv]

    Therefore, we need to spend time eliminating those myths about the inner circle which prevent persons and groups from interacting in a mutual way. Mutuality does not imply equality of talent and strength and sensitivities. Mutuality does imply deep respect for each other, complementarity of each other’s gifts and goods, and ultimately a mutual responsibility for, and a sharing of, the goods of the earth. As Jesus invites, "Be perfect as my Abba is perfect. ... [who] allows the rain and the sun to shine on the just and the unjust alike."

Demythologize Illusion #1 - Strip away any illusion that claims that belonging to the in-group is extremely important for your own happiness.

    One way of doing this is to reflect on the desire to get into the inner circle and its effects on others. The fury, hurt or rejection when excluded from being invited inside are indicators that something is evil and disordered in the need to belong to the inner circle. If one is not careful, the fiery drive to be a member of the inner circle can become one of the mainsprings of one's life. It can lead in time to the becoming of a person who is not very nice. ... Pause here and reflect on your own personal experience:

Demythologize Illusion #2 - Uncover and articulate the real rules of belonging to the in-group, namely, secrecy and keeping others out.
 
    If you were to reflect on how people are invited into the inner circle, you would realize that not only the desire to be there may be disordered, but the requirements for remaining there may be more disordered. You will soon discover that there are many unwritten rules for belonging. Two of the most important rules are:
    Reflect for a few moments on how this invitation often happens. The temptation usually comes disguised as something else, over a drink or a coffee, or in front of the television set during the ads, disguised as a trivial remark. Often it is sandwiched between two jokes, from the lips of a person whom you have been getting to know and rather like. Just at the moment when you most want not to appear unsophisticated, the hint will come – a hint not quite in keeping with the virtue of charity and fairness. It may come as a put-down of some of the "others"; it may be the sharing of some secret information the "others" should not know. The sign that you are complying in some way is the shift in your vocabulary: "we" for those on the inside and "they" for those on the outside.
 
    In my own experiences, I can pinpoint many instances when such an invitation was extended to me. I can even remember the fleeting pleasure I felt in receiving it. Why the pleasure? Was it simply that I needed to be accepted by this person? Or was it that I did not want to feel marginalized, and by not participating, I wouldn't belong. Or perhaps I didn't want to see my friend's face harden and know that I was just tested for the inner circle and had been rejected.
 
    I also can remember the guilt and remorse I felt later after I had cooperated with the invitations. Having said, "Yes," I remember how quickly I was put in a position where I couldn't say what I really felt, where I even told myself that my perceptions were not as accurate as the perceptions of my inner-circle colleagues and that I wasn't feeling what I was really feeling.
Take time here to remember your own experiences of those subtle invitations to belong to some inner circle somewhere and at some point in the various networks of persons with whom you interact.
Demythologize Illusion #3 - Do away with the false belief that in-group persons have the ultimate answer into what is the Good, the True, and the Real ... that they know what is important to be successful.
    White settlers defined what reality is for the aboriginal people and for subsequent arrivals of settlers and immigrants. Later on, new immigrants, particularly from other cultures, found they had to measure up to the definitions and expectations of those who had established themselves as the in-group. In our patriarchal society, women have had the responsibility for being beautiful and part of a background support system. Women themselves adopted this same value system and used to pass this on without question to their daughters as did school, church, fashion industry, etc. Many women continue to pass on such in-group values.  Just watch our pop television series! In society in general, there are many unwritten norms of what it means to be successful. These norms are institutionalized by the in-group with its need for competition, status-seeking, etc.
  After your reflections on your own personal experiences, contemplate, by using some of the following passages, how Jesus attempted to de-mythologize the inner circle:

Matthew 23 - Jesus lambastes the people of some of the inner circles of his time, the Scribes and Pharisees. Not only is he dealing with their inward hypocrisy but more significantly at how they are oppressing other people, keeping them out or down.

Luke 10:38-42 - Jesus encourages Mary to stay in the parlour, the place reserved for the men when guests came to a house in the culture of his time. Reflect also on how, and probably why, this passage became totally "spiritualized" over the centuries – Mary representing the life of contemplation and Martha the active life.

Luke 10:29-37- Jesus tells the story about being a true neighbour by using an out-group person, the Samaritan, as the hero while demythologizing typical in-group persons, Levite and priest. If Jesus were telling the story to persons of your culture and within the network of those with whom you work, associate and affect, what examples would he use to make the similar points?

PHASE VIII: Re-Mythologize
The Position Of The Margin

    Once you have de-mythologized (... de-magicalized ... stripped away the illusions) the status of the in-group and have come to realize that in-group persons do not possess any "royal jelly", you will become more free to appreciate the advantages of belonging to the out-group. From that position you will be more capable of seeing things as they are. Remember how God, as manifested in the words and actions of Jesus, judges and appreciates life from the position of the marginalized, "Blessed are the poor in spirit for they shall see God."

    Here are several different ways by which you can ponder and open yourself for the grace of accepting your position on the margin:

The circle of love
is repeatedly broken
because of the sin
of exclusion.

We create separate circles:
the inner circle
and the outer circle,
the circle of power
and the circle of despair,
the circle of privilege
and the circle of deprivation.

We carefully define our circles,
at work
or at worship,
with family
and with friends,
peripheral
or very special,
and function
not always willingly,
within their parameters.


Some circles nourish,
other circles destroy.

The circle of fifths
is the cornerstone
of much of the world's music.

The cycle of poverty
excludes whole populations
from the necessities of life. ...

The circle of love
is broken,
whenever there is alienation,
whenever there is misunderstanding,
whenever there is insensitivity
and a hardening of the heart.

The circle of love
is broken,
whenever we cannot see eye to eye,
whenever we cannot link hand to hand,
whenever we cannot live heart to heart
and affirm our differences. ...

* * * * * *
We ask forgiveness
of one another,
as children of God,
as friend to friend.

Too many times
have we failed to stand
together
in solidarity.
Too many times
have we judged one another,
condemning those things
we did not understand.

We ask forgiveness
for assuming we know
all there is to know
about each other,
for presuming to speak
for each other,
for defining,
confining,
claiming,
naming,
limiting,
labelling,
conditioning,
interpreting,
and consequently oppressing
each other.

We ask forgiveness
for making rules
based on private revelation,
for publicly condemning anyone
who fails to abide by them,
for imposing heavy penalties,
for excluding,
withholding,
insisting,
resisting
the inclusiveness of grace. [iii]
 

Further Thoughts About The Inner Circle
(completion of the article above)

            As long as you are ruled by the passion to be inside, you will never get what you want. If you want to get "in" to be in the know, your pleasure will be short indeed because you will find the members of the new group are not much more interesting than your old friends. Why should they be? You were not looking for virtue or kindness or companionship or any of those things which really can be enjoyed. You just wanted to be "in". Now you are "in", you will want to be "in" somewhere else, in another circle. The circles will be progressively harder to enter because you will want them to be exclusive. There would be no fun for you if everyone were an insider. Exclusivity is the essence. The sheer quest of the inner circle will break your heart unless you break the desire.

            If you break this insidious desire, you will choose to do things with others simply because you'd like to do them. You will not worry whether it's fashionable or likely to win you influence. You will not buy into the illusions of our cultural expectations. Rather you will work by making the work itself the goal; and in your spare time you will socialize with people you like. Thus, the groupings you will belong to will not necessarily coincide with those in the know, nor will they shape professional policy, nor will they affect the ignorant public. Rather, in both work and recreational life, you will find, more or less by accident, that you have come to a "real inside", that you will, indeed, be safe at the centre of something which, seen from the outside, would look exactly like an inner circle. The difference is that the secrecy is accidental and its exclusiveness a by-product. This is merely a group of persons working at what they desire to work at or meeting to do something they like doing. This belonging is something no chaser of inner circles can have.
            The world is full of "insides", full of delightful intimacies and confidentialities which you can get into. But if you follow this desire to get "in", you will reach an "inside" that is not worth being on the inside of. The road lies elsewhere, somewhere in the direction of seeking the truth. [v]
 

[i] For example, take this scenario. Dennis, as an adult, always feels left out at social gatherings. As a young teenager his rural schoolhouse context was shifted to a large school in an urban multi-racial setting. He was separated from his friends and never learned to feel at home in this new setting. A common diagnosis often made is that the insecurity from being left out at his new school disposes him to misread what goes on in his current social situations.

[ii]   For information on social analysis and how to use it in spiritual guidance and/or counselling, click here.

[iii]  This is adapted from Miriam Therese Winter's book, Woman Prayer Woman Song, published by Crossroad in New York, copyrighted 1987 by Medical Mission Sisters, Philadelphia, PA 19111,  p.185ff. Used with permission.
For more information contact:
mms@hartsem.edu
or
http://www.medicalmissionsisters.org
[iv] This is part of a digest and an adaption of "The Inner Ring" by C.S. Lewis from his little book of speeches called Weight of Glory. This rendering was made with the help of the late Clare Slater.
[v] This is the continuation of the above digest and an adaption of "The Inner Ring" by C.S. Lewis from his little book of speeches called Weight of Glory. This rendering was made with the help of the late Clare Slater.

[vi]   A worthwhile article to show how Jesus identified himself with the people on the margin is The Message Of Jesus.


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